Archive for February 9, 2008


I’m tired. Redi-Cat wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  CT Scan was okay.  The first scan was fine even though they made me drink even more redi-cat when I got there, but then they released the dye.  FREAKY!  That sudden rush of heat was absolutely bizarre.  With the MRA when they released the dye I felt some cold, not too much. But this was a whole nother thing.  I’m glad they warned me, or I would have thought my entire insides were just radiated to the point of melt down.

I am fascinated by new experiences.  Even this whole new foray into whatever it is that is going on with me.  It’s like reading a book.  People misinterpret it and think I’m just incredibly calm, but really I’m just busy tucking all of these experiences away. But I’m tired of it now.  I think some of it is that now I know that I just have to wait to hear what the answers are.  I know it’ll be fine, and it’ll probably be even less of a “thing” than anyone expects.  But, there is still that dread, that “what if”.  (Have you noticed I’m all about apostrophes lately?)  I’m sleeping really well though.  I’m just exhausted, it’s hard to get up in the morning.  Well, most of the times lately it’s hard to get out of the chair.  Too much stress, wearing me down.  And I look like shit!  My hair is dry and ugly, and my skin is saggy and dry and I’m inches and inches bigger than I was a couple of weeks ago. To someone with as narcissistic as me, this is difficult.

A couple of hours after the scan my body decided it was time to get rid of all that barium and IV’d saline, and dye.  Blech.

Todays picture is my driveway.  This is the epitome of February in Toledo, Ohio.  And tonight it’ll be 10 degrees so all of this mud and water will freeze and stay rock hard until the end of March. 

Well, I’m just a bundle of cheer!  I did at least get to pet puppies and kitties at Petco tonight!  That was very nice.

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