It’s a sad story to tell.
I didn’t know it would go this way. It started out innocently enough. Sometimes I would set my DVR to record stories on the today show. They always seem to run interesting things just after I needed to leave for work. Normally I would watch these stories around 10pm as I was winding down for bed. I started noticing a strange trend. Almost every time they were announcing an interview they would use the word “EXCLUSIVELY”. {to the exclusion of anything or anyone else; solely or entirely, en.wiktionary.org/wiki/exclusively} It amused me. Especially when they would say “talking to the Today show EXCLUSIVELY” I have a sneaking suspicion that these people actually DID talk to other people.
I thought it would be funny if I created a drinking game to go with my Today show clip watching. So every time my beloved Matt, Meredith or Anne said they word EXCLUSIVELY I would down a shot of my Jamiesons. Harmless enough! I was in for the night, I was almost in bed. Then it started getting to me. I was doing so many shots that I could never make it past one recorded clip! Enough of that! So I stopped DVR’ing.
Then I started noticing how many times they were saying the word EXCLUSIVELY in the mornings before I left for work. I couldn’t help myself! I was so accustomed to having a shot when Meredith announced so seriously that the mother of the poor missing girl was talking to her EXCLUSIVELY that I had to run out in the kitchen and grab the bottle.
It went on that way for a few months. Then I finally hit rock bottom. Now I’m unemployed and my liver is mostly shot. Luckily my electricity was shut off due to non-payment so I no longer can watch the Today show, and I really feel like I’m getting on the right track.
I think once I get my electricity back on I will find a morning news show that doesn’t sound like they’re trying to go the route of the tabloid tv programs and I will watch them EXCLUSIVELY!
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