Archive for November 13, 2009

The EXCLUSIVE story of my downfall

It’s a sad story to tell.

I didn’t know it would go this way.  It started out innocently enough.  Sometimes I would set my DVR to record stories on the today show. They always seem to run interesting things just after I needed to leave for work.  Normally I would watch these stories around 10pm as I was winding down for bed.  I started noticing a strange trend.  Almost every time they were announcing an interview they would use the word “EXCLUSIVELY”. {to the exclusion of anything or anyone else; solely or entirely,}  It amused me. Especially when they would say “talking to the Today show EXCLUSIVELY”  I have a sneaking suspicion that these people actually DID talk to other people.

I thought it would be funny if I created a drinking game to go with my Today show clip watching.  So every time my beloved Matt, Meredith or Anne said they word EXCLUSIVELY I would down a shot of my Jamiesons.  Harmless enough!  I was in for the night, I was almost in bed.  Then it started getting to me.  I was doing so many shots that I could never make it past one recorded clip!  Enough of that!  So I stopped DVR’ing. 

Then I started noticing how many times they were saying the word EXCLUSIVELY in the mornings before I left for work.  I couldn’t help myself!  I was so accustomed to having a shot when Meredith announced so seriously that the mother of the poor missing girl was talking to her EXCLUSIVELY that I had to run out in the kitchen and grab the bottle.

It went on that way for a few months.  Then I finally hit rock bottom.  Now I’m unemployed and my liver is mostly shot.  Luckily my electricity was shut off due to non-payment so I no longer can watch the Today show, and I really feel like I’m getting on the right track. 

I think once I get my electricity back on I will find a morning news show that doesn’t sound like they’re trying to go the route of the tabloid tv programs and I will watch them EXCLUSIVELY!




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