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It’s a sad story to tell.

I didn’t know it would go this way.  It started out innocently enough.  Sometimes I would set my DVR to record stories on the today show. They always seem to run interesting things just after I needed to leave for work.  Normally I would watch these stories around 10pm as I was winding down for bed.  I started noticing a strange trend.  Almost every time they were announcing an interview they would use the word “EXCLUSIVELY”. {to the exclusion of anything or anyone else; solely or entirely, en.wiktionary.org/wiki/exclusively}  It amused me. Especially when they would say “talking to the Today show EXCLUSIVELY”  I have a sneaking suspicion that these people actually DID talk to other people.

I thought it would be funny if I created a drinking game to go with my Today show clip watching.  So every time my beloved Matt, Meredith or Anne said they word EXCLUSIVELY I would down a shot of my Jamiesons.  Harmless enough!  I was in for the night, I was almost in bed.  Then it started getting to me.  I was doing so many shots that I could never make it past one recorded clip!  Enough of that!  So I stopped DVR’ing. 

Then I started noticing how many times they were saying the word EXCLUSIVELY in the mornings before I left for work.  I couldn’t help myself!  I was so accustomed to having a shot when Meredith announced so seriously that the mother of the poor missing girl was talking to her EXCLUSIVELY that I had to run out in the kitchen and grab the bottle.

It went on that way for a few months.  Then I finally hit rock bottom.  Now I’m unemployed and my liver is mostly shot.  Luckily my electricity was shut off due to non-payment so I no longer can watch the Today show, and I really feel like I’m getting on the right track. 

I think once I get my electricity back on I will find a morning news show that doesn’t sound like they’re trying to go the route of the tabloid tv programs and I will watch them EXCLUSIVELY!

 

 

 

Comments on: "The EXCLUSIVE story of my downfall" (0)

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

  2. See now, I never got the whole EXCLUSIVE thing.  It’s a fancy and super-duper-TVtastic way of saying “one at a time, please,” because clearly Joe Celebrity is talking to the Today Show at the moment as isn’t on a four-way call with Larry King, Letterman, and his stock broker.Just about any conversation that any of us have is exclusive.  But that’s not quite so immediate and attention gripping.I am such a killjoy.

  3. You are too funny.

  4. Well…the only thing left to do is call 911…I’m guessing there is a dispatcher out there who will want to hear about it….

  5. @Ninasusan – Thanks Nina!  I never thought of doing that!  Now, next time I want to complain I will call Toledo 911 and when the operator, who I am sure is as nice as you, asks me who told me to call them I’ll tell them where to find you.

  6. haha, say what you mean and mean what you say, inclusively!

  7. Hahaha…..  you had me there….

  8. Your so funny!!!

  9. This is a hoot! Thanks for the smile on my face this morning. And no TV for me.

  10. Had to come back and let my husband read this. We were just sitting here, flipping thru the channels when Barbara Walters (on the evening news) asked Sarah Palin if she was going to run for president. and I said “Right now it’s not even on her radar screen” and then she said “Right now it’s not even on my radar screen” and then I laughed and said that ‘s what she said when she talked excludsively to Oprah yesterday! Lord help us all!  ;-D

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