I’ve been thinking lately about Happiness. Today I started thinking about retrospectives. I was thinking about retrospectives because I love the end of the year ones on TV. Showing you all the top news stories, or bloopers. I try very hard to never be retrospective in my own life. I think it leads to regrets and if I am going to start reliving the regrets of my live, well, I would be a sad Tracy. The two topics go together today, in this space.
I believe I have one spectacular personality trait that the majority of people don’t have. I believe I have the ability to find the smallest happiness in my life and hang onto it like Rose hanging onto Jacks hand. I will take that little piece and hold so tight that I can let it be my everything. The water may be cold, and everything is dying around me but all I focus on is that one thing, until it’s frozen and dead. Then I find something else, that I can find joy in, so that I can survive.
So this is my own version of a retrospective. I will spend a few minutes trying to remember all of the things that pulled me out of a figurative well this year allowed me to let their joy seep into my life.
My husband. He is just as odd as I am, and frankly I think maybe more odd in many ways. But, he always gives more to me than he receives.
Books – when my real life feels so dark I can pick up a book that either uplifts me, or takes me to a place that is much darker and in comparison.
Taking Control of my own body – You knew it would be here, right? The sense of power I have gained from losing this much weight, and gaining this much health is something that I wish I could let other people feel. It is amazingly healing. No matter what else is going on I can pop on my earbuds, hop on my bike and sweat. For every little bit of effort I put into it I know that I am in control. Not you, not my bosses, not my family, ME. I will ever be able to articulate how that feels.
WiFi devices – don’t underestimate the power of being connected. When I have a moment of despair and I want to crawl under a pillow I can grab any one of the many devices I own that allow me to connect to the rest of the world. Something as simple as Scrabble on my iPod with my step-son and one my wonderful Xanga friends allows me to feel not alone.
Art – I find myself getting lost in other peoples creativity. I have somehow without even trying connected with people who do amazing art. Some of it in paint, some of it in words. I can spend just a few minutes looking at their creations and I feel different. I wish had the ability the replicate that feeling. It’s like a little joy bubble in my diaphragm that is warm and makes me feel safe and in touch. I can look at that spot whenever I need to and renew that feeling. I am in awe that people can say or create things that make me feel this way.
Obviously there are about 104 other things I could list. Including my daughter, and my sister. I can’t begin to tell you how important those two people are to me. How lucky am I that in my life I have two women that are stuck with me through genetics but are also friends now.