Archive for March 21, 2011

This is the story of a girl

Xanga John is promoting a blog-a-thon this week.  Every day, Monday – Friday.

 EDIT! _ I had put the thoughts for this into a post and marked it private but forgot to update the time after I wrote it! That’s the confusion MB. Thanks for pointing it out!


Last week in midst of a whole bunch of other stuff going on in my life that I don’t want to talk about, a friend from the past popped up and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee.She was a good friend for a few years. We spent a lot of time together and I think we were pretty close. She is one of the few people that I’ve ever really opened up to and trusted. She is also the only person I know that Sean as a baby was ever comfortable with. She actually babysat him when Corey came to get Katy and I from the hospital and so got to be the first person to meet Katy out of the hospital. So we had a parting of the ways, way back when.  I’m pretty sure it was my fault. She had a very complicated life and lots of drama As I’m sure some of you are aware, I do not do drama.  Period.I grew up with it and just never learned how to tolerate it as an adult. I think one day I was particularly tired, please remember I had two very small children, was very poor, and was working full time, and I said something mean about her and her drama. At least, that’s all I remember. And that was the end of that.

A few years ago (um….12?) we met for coffee. I was at a particularly vulnerable place in my life and going through some bad times.  I really don’t remember how we ended up talking. I can’t imagine I called, but it’s possible. Maybe the timing was just coincidental? So a few days later I tell my husband I went out for coffee with her. He said something to warn me away from her.  It was really odd.  He said that she wasn’t what she seemed. I thought he was just being Corey, until he started telling me all of these things that over the years I had told her. That she had then told him.Things that I had said in laughter she recounted in a while different context to him. So, lesson learned. Walked away.

A few months ago she showed up on my Facebook. I accepted, and it was fine.I heard bits and pieces of her life and it was all calm. Last week she asked if I want to meet up for drinks. It was early in the week before everything went to hell, so I thought about it for a day and said sure. Let’s meet for lunch. We tried to schedule it and I suggested a few days, and then she picked one. That night I realized that someone else in my house had scheduled doctors appointments on that day and so would need my car. No matter how much technology I have at my disposal I can not make the calendar on my fridge sync with my Google Calendar, or my Outlook.

I apologized and asked if we could reschedule and I got back a flip and what I took as a harsh response. Now, truly I probably misinterpreted the answer, she shares my sarcasm so it may have just been that, but I think I am too old and too tired to have to worry about it. I know this has gotten very long, and I’m sure it’s very boring but my entire point is that this is really the story of me. I think I must actually gravitate towards people who will break my trust I’ve had all of my close friends over the years do something that caused me pain and made me feel used or belittled. Well, maybe not all, but very very close to it. Each time, it was a shock.  I have so many walls now.

I wish instead of starting my blogging on Xanga so many years ago I had started it someplace local in tandem with Xanga. I think over a few years time I would have built friendships as nice,with local people as I have with some of you so far away.


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