Xanga John is promoting a blog-a-thon this week.  Every day, Monday – Friday.

 EDIT! _ I had put the thoughts for this into a post and marked it private but forgot to update the time after I wrote it! That’s the confusion MB. Thanks for pointing it out!


Last week in midst of a whole bunch of other stuff going on in my life that I don’t want to talk about, a friend from the past popped up and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee.She was a good friend for a few years. We spent a lot of time together and I think we were pretty close. She is one of the few people that I’ve ever really opened up to and trusted. She is also the only person I know that Sean as a baby was ever comfortable with. She actually babysat him when Corey came to get Katy and I from the hospital and so got to be the first person to meet Katy out of the hospital. So we had a parting of the ways, way back when.  I’m pretty sure it was my fault. She had a very complicated life and lots of drama As I’m sure some of you are aware, I do not do drama.  Period.I grew up with it and just never learned how to tolerate it as an adult. I think one day I was particularly tired, please remember I had two very small children, was very poor, and was working full time, and I said something mean about her and her drama. At least, that’s all I remember. And that was the end of that.

A few years ago (um….12?) we met for coffee. I was at a particularly vulnerable place in my life and going through some bad times.  I really don’t remember how we ended up talking. I can’t imagine I called, but it’s possible. Maybe the timing was just coincidental? So a few days later I tell my husband I went out for coffee with her. He said something to warn me away from her.  It was really odd.  He said that she wasn’t what she seemed. I thought he was just being Corey, until he started telling me all of these things that over the years I had told her. That she had then told him.Things that I had said in laughter she recounted in a while different context to him. So, lesson learned. Walked away.

A few months ago she showed up on my Facebook. I accepted, and it was fine.I heard bits and pieces of her life and it was all calm. Last week she asked if I want to meet up for drinks. It was early in the week before everything went to hell, so I thought about it for a day and said sure. Let’s meet for lunch. We tried to schedule it and I suggested a few days, and then she picked one. That night I realized that someone else in my house had scheduled doctors appointments on that day and so would need my car. No matter how much technology I have at my disposal I can not make the calendar on my fridge sync with my Google Calendar, or my Outlook.

I apologized and asked if we could reschedule and I got back a flip and what I took as a harsh response. Now, truly I probably misinterpreted the answer, she shares my sarcasm so it may have just been that, but I think I am too old and too tired to have to worry about it. I know this has gotten very long, and I’m sure it’s very boring but my entire point is that this is really the story of me. I think I must actually gravitate towards people who will break my trust I’ve had all of my close friends over the years do something that caused me pain and made me feel used or belittled. Well, maybe not all, but very very close to it. Each time, it was a shock.  I have so many walls now.

I wish instead of starting my blogging on Xanga so many years ago I had started it someplace local in tandem with Xanga. I think over a few years time I would have built friendships as nice,with local people as I have with some of you so far away.



Comments on: "This is the story of a girl" (0)

  1. I wondered what happened to her! I was going to tell you something but now I’ve forgotten, ah life. Costco had a big bag of falafal, I was too chicken to get them. Must try smaller before I dare besides which if I bought premade they would be fried right? I need to oven back homemade. Alladin’s sometime would be best. I’ve babbled here about nothing at all. Have a happy Monday.

  2. @irishis63 – I really only like Falafal in small doses.  Three at a time at the most.  YaHalla has good falafal too.

  3. Sometimes relationships between people are just toxic…perhaps no ones fault…I have a hard time totally dropping those relationships even though I know I should…what is it?  Feel like a failure you can’t make it work? don’t like to have a list of people that you know don’t like you?  people pleaser?  Wanna try therapy with me….

  4. So you posted this yesterday?  I must not have looked at Xanga last night.I’m sorry it seems like it is breaking bad again.  I have tried to reconnect with a few old friends once I found their online presence and had bad to mixed results.  Sort of heartbreaking because they were, at one time, very close friends.  I finally had to block one of the people because no matter how much I tried, I just kept getting hurt and she blamed me for things not going well.  This is what I have decided – there is a reason there was a disconnect years ago.  It just wasn’t a good or healthy relationship then and people don’t change that much so it still isn’t going to work.  I still was a bit heartbroken but I needed to tell myself that.I am sorry you were hurt and disappointed again.  I understand your desire to have some friends in closer proximity.  I once set up a Xanga blogring for moms in Illinois.  I thought maybe I would get to know some like-minded women in Illinois.  The few who joined were of a radically different mind than me.  Instead of having my blogring taken over by these women, I just shut it down.  So many people are jerks.  I’m sorry you have had more than your fair share of the meanness and hurt that comes with that.

  5. @skanickadee – Nope, I posted this morning.  I use my bike time for mega multi-tasking these days. πŸ™‚ 

  6. @tracy – Wow – very impressive!

  7. @skanickadee – Now I understand!  I opened a blog last night to put in the thoughts for this and I forgot to update the time when I wrote it!  Do you ever do that?  I use “private” blogs for reminders.

  8. @tracy – Yes!  I do that all the time.  I even post articles just for myself with things that I want to remember.

  9. I wouldn’t put much energy into it.  If she really wants to reconnect, the ball is in her court.  You were honest with her about the conflict in your schedule.  Too bad some people think the world revolves around them.  

  10. There are many people out there who do break our trust. I’ve had the same thing happen to me over the years. Thanks for sharing your experience here, Tracy.

  11. it’s interesting that she just popped out of the blue after years of no contact… I wonder what she wanted. ( of course, I might just be of a suspicious disposition) 

  12. @carolinamuscle – Welcome back!  Are you all tan and relaxed?

  13. @carolinamuscle – Oh, and I am of an ever optimistic mind.I have lunch plans today. πŸ™‚  

  14. Sometimes the idea of a friendship with a certain person sounds so much better than the actual thing…. and I don’t blame you for not doing drama… it takes so much from our lives…. this will either work out od it won’t, I wouldn’t spend time worrying about it… just let it run its course…

  15. Hi, I wish We could have talked about any or all of this. Then or now, I am still sorry we didn’t or haven’t.

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