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Archive for July 21, 2011

well

There you go.  I always wondered how I would react when I heard the words. I think somehow I’ve always known that someday I would.

This poor doctor is probably so sorry she took on our family as new patients. She called me at work about five minute ago and said, “I am afraid I have some bad news, I got the results back from your PAP and it’s showing cancerous cells”.  This may not even have anything to do with the Uterine lining, it’s just more important. Of course this makes me assume the cancer has spread from the cervix to the Uterus. Now she is making an appointment with a GYNO/Oncologist for me.

This is kind of the suck.

Whining Part 100b.

So, stopped bleeding again, still fat, still crampy.  I think that as horrible as it sounds, I would just feel so much better if I didn’t feels to darn bloated and big. Watching my abdomen inflate and having no control over it is driving me crazy.  I keep telling myself, it’s okay, it’s temporary, but OMG!  It’s like karma is kicking me in the gut.  This is my divine balance for a year of obsessing over food and exercise and being happy about dropping a few sizes.  I’m running out of clothes quickly and soon going to have to go back up a size. I must admit I feel much less depressed when the bleeding stops. If it starts again I’ll spiral down again. When it stops, I have to keep reminding myself something really is wrong it didn’t just go away. It’s the waiting that’s driving me crazy right now I think. Wish I could go in for the biopsy right now and get the results tomorrow. Just fix it, no matter what it is. If the solution is giving me a pill that shreds my uterine lining, let’s get on with the flood. If the solution is taking out my uterus, let’s move it!  Come ON!

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