Archive for August, 2011

Nothing new & exciting!

I bet you thought I would be too distracted by my crazy health issues to post about food, didn’t you? HA! You were wrong.

I could have edited this picture so you didn’t see my nasty cabinet, but eh. 

I’ve been having all sorts of stomach & appetite issues since the surgery. The other day I had a sudden craving for Peanut Butter. If my cravings are reasonably healthy, I listen. Since PB is pretty much pure protein and since my body is trying to rebuild some cut parts I thought this was a craving I could cave in to. I really wanted the Peanut Butter on these cookies.  So I did. OMG! So Good!  I love these cookies. I picked them up at Costco a few weeks ago and they were a great find. Just a touch of sweet but still pretty healthy.

I encourage you to try them if you see them.  Think ultra thin biscotti. For some reason they sit really well on my touchy stomach.


This has been my view for a week. I spend a lot of time sitting on my front porch. There are certainly worse ways to recuperate. I have made friends with the mailman who I’m sure, will be sad when I go back to work and he can’t talk to my puppies any longer. It feels like I have been off work for a month even though it’s only been 10 days.

My dresser was delivered yesterday. So now I have had a giant couch and a very large dresser delivered and I am unable to move things. I have a very small house and it is now a maze. I will not be cleared for lifting until the end of September. I will be insane by then.

I have things I need to get this week that are OUT OF THE HOUSE! Scary thought. 🙂

My son left the house and I was sitting in the kitchen when there was a very loud crash from somewhere in the house. I sat there for a second trying to place the sound when I realized I was also hearing water running loudly. I had so many pictures of things that had just happened.  The front runner was that somehow the bathtub faucet had just flown off into the opposite wall and an open pipe was now gushing water at full force. I give myself a C grade on this deduction. The shower curtain rod had fallen down and managed to fall just right to turn on the cold water tap.  That was my excitement for the day.

Enjoy your day!



When I have significant news I usually wait two days before I make it public on here. It’s a habit I got into. I might type up the blog, but then I mark it private for two days. I go back, reread and make sure that I’m saying what I want to say and not more, or less and then I update the time and switch it to public. 

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could do that in real life?

So, I updated my Friday blog to public a few minutes ago. The problem with this is that I want to type again now, so two posts it is.

It feels like I have been bombarding the world with information, constant blogging and constant facebooking, but when I look back it doesn’t appear I have been. Blogging dysmorphia?

I think people who have dealt with different cancers in their past attach more significance to cancer being found in the Lymph nodes than people who haven’t run across it before. I picture the lymph nodes as sort of the Turnpike of your body. (I don’t really know how accurate my information is, and I’m not going to go check right now) Once the cancer cells jump on the lymphatic system it gives them access to hop off anywhere around there is an exit. Hopefully the cells that were found in mine were just starting their journey. I do know that this upped my chance for reoccurrence later.  Bummer that!

I am so grateful that we all have such a bizarre sense of humor and can joke our way around the ugly parts. We’ve already had all the jokes about my probably drastic appearance change. Yeah, that’s right, seven years of letting my hair grow and investing in ridiculously expensive hair cleansers and it’s all going to fall out.  Uhg. This then turned into the dilemma of hair color. I am in need of a color and cut. Do I invest the time and money to have it done even though in all probability it will be gone in eight weeks? I decided yes. I have some things to do in September and I want to look strong and confident. I will try and get in next week to get that taken care of. 

And now I am done!

See ya.



eh, why not me?

I don’t think I’ve ever been one of those people who said “why me?” when something bad happens. I think when something bad happens to me it’s not for a reason, or a grand design, it just is. Why does that piece of dog fur fly through the air and land on my sandwich? Well, because a room away someone walked past the closed door and caused a miniscule shift in the air that meandered it’s way into this room and was the perfect weight and balance to lift one of the gazillion dog hairs in my house and have it land on my food. It’s not a karmic message about my sandwich or my eating. So when they told me Friday morning that cancer cells had been found in my lymph nodes I don’t think I ever thought why me? I’m not saying I like it.  I’m not all, YAY!  Chemo! Woohoo! Radiation! but I do think a part of me thinks, “Why not me?”  

It’s not the best news, but it’s certainly not the worst. They found cancer cells in two of the nine lymph nodes they removed. One from the left, one from the right. The results are still preliminary but so far that’s all they found.  Cancer cells confirmed on the cervix and two lymph nodes. Once my body is healed from the surgery I will begin a round of radiation & chemo. I know, no one wanted to hear that, but there you go. That should last about six weeks.  So, say we start in four weeks, then six weeks of treatment.  Round it up and we’ll just say three months. Three months from now I hopefully will start a lifetime of routine maintenance. Just scans and check ups to make sure there is no re-occurrence.

So, the cancer blogging goes on.


The grossness that is a human drain

This morning I went in to get my staples removed and the awful drain taken out. I really really hated that drain. It was gross and irritating and painful. I was quite nervous about having the staples removed, and really nervous about having the drain removed.  

The drain looks like a clear plastic hand grenade attached by a long clear tube to your abdomen, it’s held in place by a black stitch that is at the small opening into you.  The tube extends for a bit into you. It’s gross.  The nurse said my tube inside was quite long, which is why it was also so freaking annoying. Every time I moved it was rubbing on things on the inside. Very glad it’s gone. I now have stitches on my incision with little pieces of tape that will fall off in the next week or so and over my drain hole I have a plastic bag that kinda looks a disposable IV bag right down to the tap at the bottom.  It’s just in case I spring a leak and my drain hole becomes a blow hole. I can peel it off after 24 hours. Thank goodness! Now I have to try very very hard to stay calm and unmoving for awhile longer to make sure everything heals up.  My husband is terrified the incision will somehow burst open and all of my insides will come spilling out like an unzipped bean bag chair filled with those little static filled Styrofoam pellets.


Enjoy all of those images. 🙂

Nothing much

Appetite. it’s been very odd for me to lose my appetite. I mean, I’ve certainly gone periods of time where I skipped meals or ate light but in the last few years I’ve really developed an appreciation for food flavors. I love all of the different things I can make that have subtle wonderful flavors. Since the surgery nothing really sounds good. I have to force myself to eat food. Todays lunch tasted good though. I grabbed a piece of Trader Joes Sour Dough bread from the freezer and toasted it, spread a little smart balance on it, then I shook up a carton of egg beaters and dropped it in my microwave egg sandwich maker (Thanks Erin!) and put that on top of my toast.  Added a bunch of salt and fresh black pepper with some TJ’s Shredded cheddar, then a little Pace Picante. I ate it as an open face sandwich. Very good.

My husband is getting so good at the blood thinner shots. This morning I didn’t even feel it. Not even a tiny poke. I am in awe that he is able to do them. I could not do it. I just couldn’t.

My biopsy results were not in yesterday. I have to call again on Thursday.


Nap Time.

Still in bed. :)

I guess we finally found the one thing that can make me actually shut up for awhile.  Who knew having a few pieces taken out could be so exhausting? I have easily spent 95% of my time at home in bed. I can’t quite sit up straight so bed is a good place to be. I have my netbook, my television and a bathroom within three steps. And best of all I have my son and my husband. My husband checks on me and will get me anything I want and when he is at work my son checks on me at least every 45 minutes. I’m actually starting to think it might be a scheduled check. My shower today took me about 70 minutes.  Planning time, getting ready time, actual shower time, rebandage time. Then back to bed.


Thank you everyone for the support and well wishes. I was too drugged up to properly respond to each of you. Now it’s kind of late, so I’m sorry. That oxycontin is some powerful stuff. 


I find my body just gross. I have patches of adhesive that I can’t seem to get off, going to have to attack myself with some WD40. I have disgusting drains and staples and incisions and stitches. I have bruises everywhere, and a couple of random rashes in places. I’m having trouble eating. I don’t know why. Everything just tastes bad. I have this beautiful box of chocolates and I’ve only managed to eat one.  And I am HUGE! When I got home I was 12 pounds heavier than when I went into the hospital. I seem to be dropping about two pounds a day.Water?  Blood? I dunno.

Do you have the Hallmark Movie Channel? I’ve been watching some of the movies. They are visually beautiful but they leave something to be desired in the writing department, at least the ones I’ve seen so far



Here…have a chocolate.


There’s no place like home.

Thank you everyone who left me good wishes, it was a rough couple of days and it made me smile when I read comments.

I am home from the hospital now.  Looking and feeling a little wild. Got home and realized that my abdomen is so swollen that I didn’t have any pants or shorts that I could wear! Luckily i found one old pair of scrub pants on my husbands shelf. 

The doctor did a radical hysterectomy plus a few extra stuffs.  Uterus, Fallopian tubes, ovaries, cervix, top of vagina and a whole bunch of lymph nodes. They think that they removed all cancer. Of course we’ll have to wait for biopsies to know for sure, but t looks promising. After they removed all my organs they laid them out and took a picture, and they gave me prints! how cool is that! If I ever get out of bed I’ll drop one on here on a post that gives a lot of warning so you know not to click on it unless you want to see it.

My family was wonderful. Someone was always with me except in the deep dark of night. My husband showed up by 7am and left at 10 pm, and he did lots of running around for me. He also gave me a shot. I’m on blood thinners for a week and they need to be administered via needle, so he’s going to do it. They showed him how and he did one today in the hospital.  I could not have done it. I am in awe.

Off to my Oxycodone & Valium.

I’m sure I’ll be around a lot since I can”t really walk for more than a minutes and I’m too drugged to do anything productive.

Soup & Upholstered things

My couch was supposed to be delivered today. 😦

About 11:30 I just had the overwhelming feeling of pissed off and thought, oh, they’re not delivering it today.  So I called and sure enough, something got messed up. They tell me it will be tomorrow.



I bought this soup last month and finally got around to trying it. Flavor was good except it is the saltiest pre-made soup I have ever had. I like salt, but this was too much for me.


Oddly, while I was typing this the delivery people called and said they will deliver my couch tomorrow between noon and three. No word yet on the dresser. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t buy from them again.


 I’m feeling cranky today.


This song made me laugh even in my cranky state. 🙂



Monday Morning Glory.

I love Morning Glorys. I especially love this color.

Every once in awhile I throw a bunch of Morning Glory seeds by fences. If you throw 50 you get about five plants and then they’ll reseed for a few years. I haven’t done it for a few years and I’m almost out of surprise flowers now. I will try to remember it come spring.  We had a lawn company come in and spend six hours (yes, six) cutting down bushes and trees and trimming things. Yard looks bare, so does my checking account.

I was trying to catch a shot of storm coming in, but no…just a sky.


Why are water fountains so pretty even when they’re not particularly pretty water fountains.?


Took a picture of something out my window early in the morining.  Didn’t work out so well.


Luckily I took a second one. There is a bunny family living under a giant bush in my front yard so there are constantly bunnies in the yard.  Except for above mentioned bush cutting.  They’re probably very unhappy with me now.


My nieces.


Doctors office called this morning and asked if I could move my surgery to Thursday the 18th in the afternoon instead of Friday morning. Sure! 

Wasn’t until after all of the arrangments were made that I realized that I would now have to go until 2:00 pm without eating or drinking that day. 😦

Busy week. Today is work, then workout with Daisy. Then clean out my living room for furniture delivery tomorrow. Tomorrow, work, Doctors appointment, then home to lay on my new couch. Wednesday, is work, then whine like a baby that I can’t eat dinner.  Thursday is the continuation of the whining then get knocked out! Friday, loopy’ness and pain.  Somewhere in there I have to schedule a meeting with a man who is buying our Stevie Nicks tickets. (YAY!) He owns a contracting company and is currently working in a different city.


Word Vomit

I feel the need to create. A space, a picture, a paragraph, a soup; it doesn’t matter. Does everyone get that feeling? It’s like something just starts building inside of me and I need to do something to let it manifest outwardly. I wish I had some very tangible output. A pretty bowl that could be used, or a bracelet I could wear. This is why sometimes I type. I am a typer, not a writer. I don’t have an urge to write a novel and be acclaimed for it even though I have tons of stories in my head, but I love typing on my keyboard and watching the letters that turn into words appear on a screen.  It’s exactly like painting for me. I wonder if I could just type random words and have the same effect.  Let’s see;

Lavender, circles, swirling, swoop, corner, up, black, softly, skin, knee, rounded, curly, squish, lines, angle.

Hmm, the comma’s got in my way.

I slept roughly, waking up every 45 minutes or so for a variety of uncomfortable reasons. I use to get so upset by the nights I didn’t sleep well. I don’t anymore. If I am tired,then I am tired. If I am really tired, I can take a nap, or sleep better the next night. I think I may have actually gotten some appreciation for the feeling of being sleepy. As long as I don’t drive or operate heavy machinery.  As a very wise woman once told me,”You can sleep on the plane”.

My husband accidentally, I assume, had his alarm set for 6:00 am, so up I got. I watched a couple of episodes of Better off Ted on my iPod while I drank a cup of coffee. I think Better Off Ted was one of the most cleverly written shows.  I am slowly working my way through the episodes and it makes me sad that at some point I will reach the end. I should check who is responsible for it and see what other shows they were responsible for.

I got my hearing aid yesterday. Someday I will take a picture of Tracy without Hearing Aid and Tracy With Hearing Aid. I would do it now, but I look kind of scary.:) It was fun suddenly hearing things that I have been missing. The funniest thing for me was the fan on my tower. It’s been sitting in the same position for a couple of years with the tower up on a table and to my right. So yesterday when I sat down suddenly I realized I could hear the fan, which apparently I couldn’t hear before! Who knew. At work it was the sound of my spoon on my paper cup. I didn’t realize it was thumping.

When I am done with this I am going to hit the shower. My husband and I are going to the zoo. This could be my last chance for awhile so I don’t want to miss it. I think I will create one clean spot in the bathroom before I do. Kill two birds as it were.

Yesterday I met Daisy’s son. He lives in New York but is staying with her for a couple of weeks. He hugged me and then just kept saying thank you for taking care of my mother. It was kind of emotional. She is planning on moving to New York soon. I will miss her. We make an odd team, but there you go.

 Eamon just came on my iPod, that will certainly change the mood of the moment.

On with my day.

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