• I am eating orange cotton candy with a fork so my fingers don’t get sticky when I type. I cut it into squares first. Each one of my cotton candy tubs is 110 calories.
  • My netbook microphone does not work on any google program but does work on MSN & Skype. Very annoying.
  • Valium is a very pleasant drug. My oncologist prescribes it after surgery and I took one last night to help me relax so I could go to sleep, I was very tense. I slept and slept and slept. They gave me like 60 and I’ve used about five. I bet over the next month or two I up that number a little.
  • I got my hearing aid adjusted today. It is amazing what they can do!
  • I do not have my car back yet but I am starting to enjoy this little corolla! (sp?)
  • I had an appointment with my oncologist on Monday. He said I am a model patient. He also hugged me at the end. It startled me. I think they treat me differently now then they did when they thought I had just a few cancer cells on my cervix. Maybe my imagination.
  • After four years of not having to shave under my arms hair started growing again. Dr gave me estrogen gel so I won’t also grow hair on my belly! (his words, not mine!)
  • I had a mammogram last week and today I got a letter from them. I started having a mild anxiety attack and was unable to read it. I had to have my husband do it. I was startled by this because it’s out of my normal character. I think perhaps I have finally reached my limit for awhile. (edit – sorry, forgot to say the results were fine, all normal)
  • I think I may have to take a quick trip to Iowa before chemo/radiation. Not sure yet. Going to Texas at the end of this week for a few days. Really looking forward to seeing everyone. Yay!
  • I bought not one, but two new pairs of shoes today! 
  • I have had a very little headache for days. I do not know why. It was before the estrogen so that’s not it.
  • To all the people who play Zynga Words with Friends & Hanging with Friends with me, sorry! I keep forgetting my iPod.






Comments on: "bullets?" (0)

  1. I just can’t imagine why the mild anxiety attack!  As my therapist tells me, be gentle and kind with yourself..what ever it is you need or want…its what you need or want so do it or get it.ref the doc…he’s probably just feeling bad for you because he forgot to give you the meds for the belly hair and he thinks it may be too late.Hope to see you later this month!!

  2. Anxiety is sneaky, it attacks whenever it damn well pleases.  I took Valium for years for my “nerves” ( I used to faint when things got to be too much.).  I asked for it when I started my cancer journey and got Ativan instead,  Now I have Xanax, whole new set of anxieties.My medical oncologist is a hugger, It’s one of the things that made me comfortable with him.Until this year I would get all wound up, headaches etc., for about a week before all of my Dr. appts. or my mammograms. I just had this years mammo on Monday and this time it was “just another day”. Hopefully, I’ll still feel that way next week when my letter comes.

  3. The picture of you eating cotton candy with a fork cracks me up.Having the right medication can really be a blessing.I hope that headache goes away very soon.

  4. Valium, huh? yoweeee….. it’s gonna be interesting to see just how mellow you get !!!  

  5. Aww bunny anything you do is the right thing. I’m living on pins and needle waiting for test results, why I don’t know just that weird feeling we sometimes get. Mammo is next. Hugs and smootchies.

  6. Anxiety is brutal.  I was overwhelmed with it all through June. When I wake up and can’t get back to sleep, I take 1/2 gravol.  Sad little pill.  Middle of the night anxiety sucks, now it’s about moving and cancer.  Be well!

  7. Ohhh Valium is lovely.  I’ve only had it a handful of times in the hospital but I remember being soooooo chilled out   Anxiety is a sneaky little bugger!  Hope you get all your travels in and no belly hair!

  8. Tell us more about the shoes. I have plenty of natural hormones, but I’m also Italian, so I naturally get what they call a happy trail. Yay for tweezers!

  9. Valium and other benzos (Xanax and Ativan seem to be most often prescribed besides Valium, but there are others) tend to give you a feeling of them helping you, but then provoke anxiety attacks at other times. They are known to do this. You feel good when you take them, you have anxiety, you take another. Perfect addictive drug — and the doctors lie to your face and tell you they are not addictive. Remember back in the 60s when The Rolling Stones sang, “Mother’s Little Helper”?

  10. @mordewis – I have to do something I have never ever done to anyone before and that is critisize a comment left on my blog. You only leave comments critiquing and telling me why things I like or am using are dangerous or just plain bad.  I do not think my three valium in five weeks will really cause me any long term addictive affects.  I did not take them for anxiety.  They actually now prescribe them after very painful surgeries especially in the abdominal area. It helps to relax you enough to let the muscles relax and let other organs work correctly while you are in pain. Such as the bladder.  Which I have to tell you after that major of a surgery is pretty important.Normally I would never ever comment negatively on someone else’s comment, I think you are absolutely entitled to your opinions, and if you want to educate everyone that’s fine. But not here. I am a very positive person normally and right now, I do not need the negative input.

  11. @BoureeMusique – I bought two pairs of flats!  I have to wean myself off of my flipflops but am not ready for winter heels.  I got some cute little brown mocassin looking shoes, and a pair of black ballet looking shoes with little silver buckles on the top.  I think I must have tried on 80 pair before I settled on them. I am so annoyed when I buy a pair of shoes and then a week later decide they are too uncomfortable to wear!

  12. Ugh, I hate that! Any cute shoes that have backs on them hate me. Actually, I had a really cute pair of low heels that didn’t kill my feet, but they eventually died when I wore them too often. I need to just get some permanent back-of-ankle band-aids.On the other hand, it’ll be flip flop season here for another two months, I believe, so I (and my checking account) are safe for now.

  13. @BoureeMusique – LOL!  I feel the exact same way about shoes with backs!  And yes, built-in Band-Aids – you’re onto something there!  Kathi

  14. Goodness, I don’t blame you a bit for having your hubby look at the report.  You are such a trouper, but you have just got to be on “overload”  by now, and I think it was a nice move to just back away, for no matter how short a time, and let someone else read it.  By all means, do whatever you need to do to relax enough to go through all this.  I am giggling at the thought of you eating that cotton candy with a fork!    I hope your headache is gone.Kathi

  15. I’m sorry you saw my comment as negative. You said you had anxiety which was unlike you; I was trying to point out that this is common with benzos. I’m glad you are taking care of yourself, and was only trying to help.

  16. I am so sorry about the anxiety. I know that you are taking good care, and I do hope that you can get its @$$ kicked!  Belly hair COULD keep you warm in winter.

  17. @Mom_with_a_Chainsaw – I ate TACO BELL!  No meat. 🙂 

  18. * Don’t have bullets on this old thing, so I’ll use asterisks.  (Bullets look infinitely more impressive).* I’ve never eaten cotton candy with a fork, but it sounds like fun.  The State Fair starts tomorrow, so I will have one of my children buy a bag for me to try!* Do you have family in Texas?  I hope the cold front that is hitting here tonight will pass through there so that it will be more pleasant for you.  It has been way too hot this summer.* Glad your results were normal, but I can sure understand the anxiety attack.* Continued (((HUGS))), best wishes, and lots of prayers.

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