Courtesy of Brad:
Picture of an inbred cat.
Tough day today. I had my Radiation simulation. It involves a lot of barium, and IV dye in the back of the hand and CAT scan and Xrays and sharpies, and tattoo’s and exams and horrible things. Really all around unpleasant. I think I have a mad crush on my new Doctor though. That’s awkward. He’s a little cutie and so nice! Well worth the chemo and radiation to see him weekly. I came home after lunch to work from my desk on the couch. Just sore and creepy feeling.
It sounds like it may all start before the 1st which puts a damper on my quick trip to Iowa to look in on the call center we use. I dunno. We’ll see. They’re going to try to schedule all of my treatments in the afternoon so I can work in the morning and then go back to work after treatments on the days I feel good.
I had a very brief conversation with someone today that made me go arm myself with facts about my choice to do chemo & radiation. In clinical trials, women (cause not a whole lotta men get cervical cancer) who had radiation therapy in tandem with Chemotherapy using Cisplatin had almost double the survival rate as women who had only radiation. My doctor is THE doctor for gynecological cancers in this region. I have to trust him. And my Radiologist Doc aside from being nice to hang out with is apparently some sort of genius, so between the two of them, I gotta go with it.
It’s tough. The reoccurence rate for my particular spread and type is unfortunately quite high. I guess I kind of assume I’ll be dealing with this again. I just hope it’s a long time from now and show’s up in as inoccuous a spot as possible. Is that weird for other people to hear? After the two weeks worth of investigation and biopsies when I found out how much worse than they originally thought, i I just accepted that this is probably the thing that I will someday die from. I just don’t plan on it being anytime soon. Of course we all know what happens to the best laid plans.
Wow..that’s really not a giggly type of post today is it. I told you! Tough day today. An hour laying in a CAT scan machine is really enough to. at least temporarily, take the fun out of anything.
I bought my husband an iPod touch. He really seems to like it. That makes me happy. It’ll be nice for long waiting room sits. He can hop on the free wifi and read sports to his hearts content while listening to his loud depressing music. His is bettter than mine. It has the camera. I should have wiped mine and swapped.
Wait!!! Sometimes I want to apologize for talking about this incessantly, but then I think that if I didn’t have a place to talk about it, a place to make it less internal, I would just curl up in a ball and give up. It’s not that I’m looking for sympathy, or for people to tell me how wonderful and brave I am, it’s just that I need to type out the things I am thinking and feeling. It’s my release. I can take these things from my brain and paint a picture in my little lavender square here and then I’ve gotten it out, and it belongs here now. So for those of you who stop by regularly, please don’t feel like you have to be encourging and strong, I’m okay. Really. I just need to get things out. Maybe I’ll make this the end paragraph on all my blogs so I don’t feel the need to keep saying it over and over.