Shame on Me!

For thinking I was too cool to be waylaid by the whole “treatment” thing. Yesterday was rough, and this morning was rougher but this afternoon I’m back to thinking we can do this.  I have a whole lot of respect for those of you who have gone before me with nary a whine or whimper.  I think it’s possible that I might have come close to making a pharmacist poison me this afternoon with my cranky’tude’iness.  After waking up this morning to dizzy to stand and with my blood pressure cuff unable to read my blood pressure (I don’t even want to think what that meant) Today I got a whole lot of hydration, plus had an epiphany about a serious lack of protein in my diet the last 48 hours (read..none) and am now feeling on a slightly more even keel.  Amazing what a protein shake, plus a couple of scrambled eggs can do for your energy level.  OOPS! It’s not like I’m stupid, I know I have to watch my protein, but it’s so easy to just not. So now I’m stocked up on protein drinks, and sports drinks, as well as drinking my 80 oz of pure water a day.  Be nice if I have discovered the magic formula for at least feeling human for the rest of the week.

For those of you who may be are going to be embarking on this journey in the next few months, get someone to watch your diet for you. Seriously. I’m the ultimate food watcher, I know all the nutritional values and what I should be doing, but when your brain is fuzzy you need someone else to keep an eye on you. Sorry.  It’s true. You know who you are, just do what I say.

I just came back from a quick run to KMart to pick up a couple more pairs of sweats. For those of you on my facebook, No, I didn’t buy the jammie jeans. 🙂 $9.00 for a pair of sweats, vs $39.99 for a pair of jammie jeans just for the fun of it does not balance out. My abdomen feels exactly like what you would think it feels like if someone were cooking you from the inside out! It’s really crazy. I can only describe it as feeling crispy. I know that’s gross, but there you go.

At least I’ve have enough good hours at night to take care of work and keep reasonably caught up. I actually ended up working till like 9pm last night! It’s when the energy hit so I used it.

I really wanted to like Terra Nova, but I really don’t.




Comments on: "Shame on Me!" (0)

  1. Hang in there.  I can imagine this is a difficult process to go through but I’m sure your descriptions will be very helpful to others (hopefully not me, he said optimistically).

  2. H said the same thing about radiation.  He felt it was much more tiring than chemo.  He had a lot of burning on his skin, and was prescribed some kind of ointment that really helped.  It stunk and stained, but hey, who cared?  I think sweats, besides being much better priced, would be more comfortable than pajama jeans.  When they show them on TV, they look skin-tight, which would defeat the whole purpose!  Enjoy the comfort of the sweats.  Are you not supposed to be getting too much protein?  Gosh, that would really make you feel weak, I’d think.  ::HUGS::Kathi

  3. I can’t imagine what treatment is like.  hang in there – we’re thinking of you.I’m glad I didn’t watch Terra Nova.  I heard it was not so great.

  4. At least you have comfortable jeans….wow you’re so on the ball you even know that protein was lacking…thats motivational for just everyday eating for me. I hope the crispyness doesn’t last long.

  5. Are you even hungry?  Do you anticipate losing weight?

  6. @RushmoreJ – Thanks!@Still_groovy –  Nope, the lack of protein was just my own stupidity. One of the things to watch for when you are not eating meat, and I just forgot to pay attention.@ofunlo – Thanks., I’m still hanging.  My daughter just said on facebook “HANG HARDER!” so that’s what I’m doing.@isitreal_no – It’s because I’m old and I know better. 🙂 @Ninasusan – I anticipate gaining a a gazillion pounds for awhile. Right now I’m still hungry, almost ravenously hungry. Maybe from the sterioids. I want to eat all the time but my abdomen feels funny so I don’t. I feel strangely full & hungry at the same time.  I imagine as the effects from radiation are cumulative that my appetite will wane as time goes on but I don’t think I’ll lose to much. My goal is to stay at exactly the same weight I am now. Quite a switch after trying to lose weight for so long. For a few brief moments I thought, oh cool, I’ll finally get down to my goal weight, but I am smart enough to know this is not the time. I just want to stay feeling reasonably strong.

  7. Feeling badly, yet you still think of others, wanting to help those who come after you.  What a heart you have.  I wish I knew of something that would make you feel better.  Just know that we are all here with you, every single step of the way.  (((HUGS)))

  8. well, theres nothing more comfy than some sweats….  and I’m glad you’re keeping en eye on your protein intake.  

  9. I am so glad there are protein shakes for you! I have not been eating much meat lately. It just sounds yukky. Yesterday the good guy made bar bq ribs and I can’t believe I ate like 2 big ones with out gagging. And as you know I am  usually a big meat eater! Hey, that didn’t bother you did it? Keep up the positivity! Hugs.

  10. @GoodGuyTheBoss – your timing is funny as I was just over on the protected post talking about getting some breakfast.. 🙂 I miss BBQ! NUM! 

  11. I think when a person goes through this, they may choose to go through it with nary a whine or whimper BUT I think that really makes it harder on those who know them and may have to deal with something similar.  The person who comes after feels that there is this high standard of not voicing how they really feel.  Then there is guilt for not living up to that high standard. I am not advocating constant complaining but realism.  There are going to be days that are more difficult and it is ok to be human.I am glad you remembered your protein and that you are stocked up on helpful food/drink items.I am glad you found something to wear.  Wow – that was a lot of money for those jammie jeans.  Crispy – ouchy!!!Hugs – but not too tight!

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