Archive for November, 2011


Who feels a Gazillion times better than she did last Saturday?




It’s okay you can breath now

1.) Layoffs – Moved to Private

2.) The moment of no worry – I tried to talk about this before but I didn’t articulate it very well. I have a different example now. So, lets say it’s three months from now and I am waiting for the results of my next check-up. What if the results are going to come back bad on Monday. On Monday morning they’re going to say all a waste of treatment, got to do it again. That would mean this weekend would be my last weekend to not have cancer. This weekend would be my last moment in time to just be. No worries of treatment, no worries of family or sickness. Starting Monday my life would be completely and totally different. What would this weekend be like? I am obsessed with this line of thought. That usually means it’s leading to another thought that I need to think about. 🙂 

And if I were a person waiting for horrible news or FANTASTIC news on Monday this would be a good weekend to keepbusy and do and see things I love. Remind myself why I fight to begin with. Eat Ice Cream and walk in the fall colors.

3.) Exercise  – Yoga & Pole Dancing – I think I will give myself two more weeks to regain some strength and then I go back to workouts. My body looks so funny with no muscles. I will go back to Yoga and I think I will finally do a Pole Dancing class. I think that will be a fun start to get some energy back in my body. Then it will be time to add machines again. Oh, and my bike of course.

4.) Pumpkin Pie shampoo – I use WEN Cleansing Conditioner. I had to re-order last week and they had a seasonal version which is Pumpkin PIE! I ordered it. I couldn’t help it.  It smells really good, but the smell doesn’t seem to stay on your hair. 

Last night I got about six inches cut off my hair 🙂 My hair was nasty from the chemo & radiation. Really thin andbreaking. It’s still falling out, a lot, but this should at least help it look less scraggly for a bit. When straightened my hairwas down to my elbows. Now it’s at my shoulders. I had to warn the lady, that if she sees me somewhere and my hairwas gone don’t take it personally, it’s just chemo. 🙂

5.) Sense of smell – Speaking of smelling really good, my sense of smell is crazy now. It started about two weeks ago. I swear I can smell things from across the street. Everything smells good. I recall this happening when I was pregnant too. Suddenly I craved scents. I keep wanting to follow the scents to see what it is that I’m smelling. I picture myself looking like a Beagle on the trail of food. 🙂


I want to hug everyone today. I want everyone to know how wonderful you are and how much I appreciate what you have done for me in the last three months. I would not have made it through this without the support of so many people.


We needed a picture today. I went into my Xanga photos and went all the way back to the beginning. This is one from Thanksgiving, maybe five years ago? We were driving home from my sisters and a fog had settled in her neighborhood. I took a picture from the car and they all came out a little fuzzy and moody. Loved it.

Breathless with anticipation

Things to talk about when I get a chance to blog:

1.) Layoffs

2.) The moment of no worry.

3.) Exercise  – Yoga & Pole Dancing

4.) Pumpkin Pie shampoo

5.) Sense of smell

Another exciting tale of garbage…

I live in Toledo, Ohio.  Toledo has a recycling program that was put into effect a few years ago. Since that time there has been much ado about the garbage collection, and recycling. This last year our city refuse collection was parceled out to a private company instead of being part of city services, and someone new took over the recycling collection. I like that they give us a big bin to throw reclying in, I do not like that they charge you a punitive fee if you do not recycle.

This new recycling company sent out cards and you could register online here: .  I do like this. They have little coupons on things that you can print out or use online. I’m all for discounts! Some of them are for local stores and restaurants which is very nice. I have never used any but I ran across something today that I think I will buy for a present for someone. It’s a little more expensive but will suit the occasion, and the code will give me 15% off. I wish I could show you a picture of the perfect present but it is going to someone who occasionally pops over here and that would not be good! Especially if they said, ,OOOO, that’s ugly!

I love to buy presents for people. Really, I do. One of the things I struggle with is not buying things for people at random times just because I see it and I think of that person.  I had to stop for a few reasons. 1.) It can actually make people feel bad. They start feeling like they need to reciprocate. 2.) It can make me feel bad because I start feeling like they need to reciprocate! (I was unhappy with myself when I felt that way) 2.) It makes the standard gift giving occasions difficult if you’ve already given them their presents beforehand.  I do not like it when I can’t think of what I want to buy for someone when I need to give them a gift. So frustrating.


Does anyone keep up on Xanga drama? There are all sorts of fun little circles and cliques and sometimes they battle. I’m always just enough aware of it that I know there is something going on but I never quite figure out all the bits and pieces. There are also always battles between Xanga users, and Xanga owners. These are the ones that really make me laugh. People get very vested in their Xangas! Sometimes you’ll see a Dear John letter from a blogger explaining why they are moving from Xanga to another site like WordPress, or Blogger, or Facebook. They never do. Sometimes they leave for a week and come back. I think they just want people to say, please don’t go. Xanga is really unlike any other site. I have accounts everywhere. Mostly so I can read other blogs and leave comments. Xanga is really unique in the way that users find each other and interact. Can you imagine if I posted on Facebook about a problem that Mark Zuckerburg would personally respond to me and let me know when it was fixed? I think not, and I even know people who work for Facebook!



My daughter @chaosconfetti took this picture from inside her house this morning and posted it on Facebook. Love it.




Just saying

An alien ship was flying in the sky, a commercial jet was chasing it. The jet crashed, then the alien ship crashed in my front yard. It looked like a UPS truck. The alien got out and looked like Pat Harrington of One Day at a Time Fame.


 plus   equals




Too many drugs in my system!!




So, chemo is done. Side effects are winding away. No more wicked chemicals coursing through my body killing off any fast producing cells that it runs it across.

Tomorrow is my last abdominal radiation treatment. Over the next ten days I will have three radiation treatments that are internal and are specific to the place where my cervix use to be. After that done.

My body will heal. I will start to feel stronger again, I will have to work to put some muscle back on my body. It’s all gone. They say it will take months for the fatigue to really go away. I will go to the doctor every three months for the next few years. 

As I lay on the radiation table last Friday it occurred to me that soon I will no longer have help in battling off any of these vicious cells.  If one cancer cell remains in body after tomorrow it will have free reign. I will no longer be trying to poison it, or zap it with lasers. I mean, sure, I’ll do what I can to minimize any growth potential. I’ll eat all the right foods and drink all the right things. I’ll go back to regular exercise and do whatever I can to stay strong and keep my immunity at full strength.  But still….terrifying.

It’s not like it will affect my day to day life. I can only do what I can do, right? But stil




Oldie but a goodie

I was collecting pictures for a project and ran across this.


I think my husband was playing with a new camera when he took this. It’s a nice picture. I may play around with an editor and see if I can make it nice enough to print and frame. Add a new background or something.


I can only assume that for my last chemo they went ahead and doubled my dose, you know got rid of any extra stuff they had laying around.

I have been absolutely ridiculously sick since Thursday. Hitting my max dose of meds every day. I think I have slept at least 24 hours out of the last 48. To add insult to injury I am losing a whole lotta hair today. Wouldn’t that be a kick in the ass? Lose your hair after you finish the last chemo. I don’t think I will, I think it’s just gonna be even more thin. I can’t even think straight because I am so weak from not being able to keep anything remotely filled with nutrition in my body. GAK!

Hopefully at some point today it will be better and I can eat! I really have things I need to get done for work but I can’t focus and I don’t want to do anything stupid. 😦

I cannot believe how wonderful my husband & son have been these last few days. I think if I asked them to carry me around room to room, they would.

Thanks for listening to me bitch. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. 

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