I have been withholding things from you my little computer. I promised myself when I started this cancer “thing” that I would be honest but I have taken a month off. A month to try and not think too much. I’ve been mostly successful but now it’s time to start focusing again. I need to arm myself. To be ready. We’ve been pretty not-talking here at home but the other day my husband broke the surface tension and we talked about next week. We’re both preparing ourselves for the worst.
My oncologist was so optimistic last time, before surgery he said it was probably just cervical cancer, nothing to it. After the surgery he said well it was a little more and there was a tumor but I’m sure I got it all, nothing to it. When we went in at four weeks to hear the results of the biopsies my husband was totally shocked. He didn’t expect to hear how bad it was and he certainly never thought there would be chemo & radiation. So now it’s like the old saying. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. So he’s getting prepared to hear the worst come Monday. Well, that’s some of the problem. He leaves Sunday morning for a month. I will go to the Doctor on Monday and hear whatever I hear. He said, just don’t start treatment before I get home.
Horrible to be in this position. Horrible to have to think about these things But there you are, now you know. We’re thinking.
I hope on Monday you’ll hear the best, but I’m prepared to tell you the worst.