- Aug. 15th, 2013 at 7:39 PM
I haven’t been using my blogs as journals for quite awhile. I don’t know why. I just fell out of the habit of taking the time to put my thoughts in order and write them out. It’s hard for me to focus my mind lately to recount the bits and pieces of my life and my reaction to them. Today I am in a good space so this might be disjointed as a try to record things while interspersing enough humor not to bore anyone who slogs through it all. Or I may lose interest after three paragraphs and call it a day.
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On Tuesday I had a brain & inner ear MRI (the Meniere’s doctor was suspicious that there may be something else going on like Brain tumor, or MS. Yeah, I didn’t mention that part did I?). I was close to a panic attack at the thought of it. I really am not scared of much but the claustrophobic feel of that tube is just horrible. Took my low dose valium and hopped in the car with my son. He drove me there, and then went into the room with me. Having someone with you makes a huge difference. This MRI had a mirror set up periscope style so while I lay in the tube by son could stand up and it looked like he was right there in front of me. It was wonderful. What a difference that tiny mirror makes to perspective.
Today I went to my three month oncology check up. This one had me very anxious as well. I have had a lump on my leg for awhile. I was not happy about this lump. Anyone playing the cancer game is not happy when lumps suddenly show up in strange places and don’t go away. When we were on vacation last week I noticed that the longer I sat in the car the more pronounced the lump became. Then the higher up in altitude we went the bigger it became. That’s when it hit me. Lymphodema. Now, I’m not saying I want lymphodema but if I have to have unknown lumps on my leg I would prefer it to a tumor. Today the oncologist concurred. She also pointed out that one of my legs is swollen. Oops. Didn’t notice. I will have to go through lymphodema rehab. I’m okay with that! I also told my doctor about having the MRI and she was quite put out that she didn’t see a copy of the results in her file. She went on a hunt and had someone get the results. So bonus I also got to find out that my MRI shows no unusual masses in my brain or ears. No tumors or signs of MS. It did show something unusual which sadly I cannot remember the name of. It is something about Vascular and the space around my arteries. She said it commonly causes headaches. SHOCK! 🙂 I was so happy with all of my non-cancerous news that I didn’t pay enough attention. Will have to wait until September till I go back to the neurologist to get the rest of that info. But the oncologist happily confirmed the diagnosis of Meniere’s plus weird vascularness.
She also told me that all the tests done three months earlier were clear and happy. As an interesting side note I found out that when they get the results they just file them until my next appointment. No one tells me the results, no one tells the doctor. That’s scary! I may call in a couple of weeks to get the results from todays test now that I know that.
One more cancer (sort of) story, then I’m done for today.
On July 21st, which is a significant date, I bought myself a Pandora bracelet and removed my yellow wristband. I hung the yellow band in my car. My husband asked me last week why he hadn’t seen me blog about it and honestly I can’t tell you. There was something very personal about the significance of that band.
I bought two charms for my bracelet. One is a four leaf clover, and one is a purple bead with the symbol for inner strength. It’s kind of a fluffy version of the symbol but it’s a great purple.
It’ll be nice to occasionally add a bead of significance. Of course now I can’t seem to take off the bracelet. From one growing superstition to another.
And now that I’ve told the people at work I can say, one more week of work then I begin a six week leave of absence! Six weeks to get my head all unwound and create some order in my life. 🙂
You know, all in all today has turned into a wonderful day!