I am without a doubt a pacifist by nature. I dislike harming any living thing. It really was this part of my nature that turned me vegetarian. Once my sibling appealed to that part of me and opened that door I couldn’t go back and had to stop eating things that were once living creatures.
It occasionally gives me terrible fits of guilt when I kill bugs.
I try really hard not to think about it. For instance when I’m sharing my shower with a spider. I just can’t have that. If the bug is in the tub it must go. Whether to be caught and released or swooshed down the drain, one way or the other it must go! I had a giant centipede in my bathroom the other day (this is how you know autumn is almost here) and I carefully went and grabbed a jar to do a catch and release but the damn thing was in a spot that I just couldn’t get him. He lived to scare me another day I’m sure.
This brings me to gnats. I caused an office infestation of gnats. I bought some plants online for the office to bring up our air cleaning abilities and sadly they were infested with gnat larvae. Within a week we were just totally infested. I bought stuff that is supposed to be the end all be all of gnat control because it kills gnat eggs. So I wasn’t really killing the gnats, just stopping their reproduction. It failed miserably. Still had gnats annoying the heck out of everyone.
Eventually I took almost all of the plants home. My husband unpotted them, tossed the dirt and repotted them in fresh, gnat free dirt. Except for one plant.
I left one plant at work because it was there before all the gnats moved in.
I’ve been reduced to spraying that plant with flying insect killer every couple of days and hopefully after a week or so (gnats have a 7 day life span) I’ll have gotten all the little babies and parents.
So this morning I was thinking I should try to get into the office early enough to spray it without gagging everyone and then suddenly I thought about all those little gnats I was killing. Then I thought, well they probably wouldn’t have a good life anyway. Trapped in our office with only one plant and dirt and no food or fun. I’m probably doing them a favor by making sure that there aren’t thousands of them born into this bad life. I then realized that I had in fact done what probably many other horrible people had done in history and found the argument for genocide. I was justifying my killing of gnats.