If you were to picture fear it would look like a tornado that is actually in the ground. A big swirling vortex of blacks and greys that moves over the ground in front of you. Everywhere you go getting bigger and stronger as you look at it. If you look away for a few moments it can skip around and disappear but then it will roar into existence directly in front of you without warning. Fear has a sound, it’s very loud! It’s the rushing sound of a wall of black water. Like an evil surf coming closer and closer to you. Always there and trying to drown out any other sounds you hear. It’s impossible to concentrate on anything else because that sound is every present and getting louder and louder as you listen to it. If I didn’t have any other plans today I would go pick up my paints and paper and paint a picture of fear. I think the trick with fear is to stare at it until you can start seeing the details of it. If you can force yourself to really examining this mass of energy and sound you can start seeing the outline of the vortex. Once you can see it you should be able to find a way to walk while keeping away from the edge. The fear may still be there but you can continue on your path.
Plans for today;
Skip workout, pick up Doug, pick up Erin (my sister, and Doug is her S/O) Drive to Troy Michigan where we will check out a fruit & vegetable store, Trader Joes, and have lunch at the fun gourmet garage whose name I have some sort of mental block on and can’t remember.
Then drive home with a quick stop at IKEA on the way back. Hopefully all the shopping will make up for my lack of workout.
The test I had done for balance disorders was not nearly as bad as the internet stories claim it to be. It certainly wasn’t pleasant but if someone said I had to do it again I wouldn’t go into a spiral of panic. I think the worse part was the weight of the goggles I had to wear. They have little cameras inside that records your eyes. When I finally got to take them off I had these terrific rings around my eyes and on the bridge of my nose. Quite painful. The test took an extra hour because the last and worst part had to be redone over and over again because my results were not what they should be. Apparently my brain compensates very quickly to the vertigo sensations so after the first episode induced by the test the rest of my results get steadily better every time it’s done. For testing purposes that’s a bad thing. I had to stop taking the amitriptyline for two days. I was very happy to get back on it. I sleep better, I feel steadier, my headaches are less when taking it. Not really happy about that, but there you go.
This little lady will not let any other hummingbirds eat at the feeder. If another hummingbird is there she swoops in and chases it off.
She is actually sitting there as I type this. I moved the feeder so it is now about two feet in front of my living room window. Lovely.