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Let’s talk about fear

 If you were to picture fear it would look like a tornado that is actually in the ground. A big swirling vortex of blacks and greys that moves over the ground in front of you. Everywhere you go getting bigger and stronger as you look at it. If you look away for a few moments it can skip around and disappear but then it will roar into existence directly in front of you without warning. Fear has a sound, it’s very loud! It’s the rushing sound of a wall of black water. Like an evil surf coming closer and closer to you. Always there and trying to drown out any other sounds you hear. It’s impossible to concentrate on anything else because that sound is every present and getting louder and louder as you listen to it. If I didn’t have any other plans today I would go pick up my paints and paper and paint a picture of fear. I think the trick with fear is to stare at it until you can start seeing the details of it. If you can force yourself to really examining this mass of energy and sound you can start seeing the outline of the vortex. Once you can see it you should be able to find a way to walk while keeping away from the edge. The fear may still be there but you can continue on your path.

 

Plans for today;
 Skip workout, pick up Doug, pick up Erin (my sister, and Doug is her S/O) Drive to Troy Michigan where we will check out a fruit & vegetable store, Trader Joes, and have lunch at the fun gourmet garage whose name I have some sort of mental block on and can’t remember.
Then drive home with a quick stop at IKEA on the way back. Hopefully all the shopping will make up for my lack of workout.

The test I had done for balance disorders was not nearly as bad as the internet stories claim it to be. It certainly wasn’t pleasant but if someone said I had to do it again I wouldn’t go into a spiral of panic. I think the worse part was the weight of the goggles I had to wear. They have little cameras inside that records your eyes. When I finally got to take them off I had these terrific rings around my eyes and on the bridge of my nose. Quite painful. The test took an extra hour because the last and worst part had to be redone over and over again because my results were not what they should be. Apparently my brain compensates very quickly to the vertigo sensations so after the first episode induced by the test the rest of my results get steadily better every time it’s done. For testing purposes that’s a bad thing. I had to stop taking the amitriptyline for two days. I was very happy to get back on it. I sleep better, I feel steadier, my headaches are less when taking it. Not really happy about that, but there you go.

This little lady will not let any other hummingbirds eat at the feeder. If another hummingbird is there she swoops in and chases it off.

Image

She is actually sitting there as I type this. I moved the feeder so it is now about two feet in front of my living room window. Lovely.

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Comments on: "Let’s talk about fear" (3)

  1. I still don’t understand fear cept that it lessens as you get older. Or maybe I just can’t be bothered by it. It’s like music very personal.

    The birds are very territorial when I used to observe the herons, wow they would battle for their turf, but not bother other species of bird. They do get comfortable with people that they see often and ones that they feel safe with. If the hummingbird had a regular food diet she would probably start eating from your hand. 🙂

  2. Excellent thumbnail essay on Fear. Hit home.

  3. Very astute description of fear! My way of reacting to it when it’s bigger than common sense says it should be, is to confront it directly. That way, I don’t have to keep looking over my shoulder for it. It’s easier to mitigate through direct confrontation.

    Ha. Little lady is a cute litte brat.

    Oh, and I’ve nominated you for the Leibster award.

    The Rules:
    Each nominee must link back to the person who nominated him or her.
    Answer the 10 questions given to you by the nominator.
    1. What is your secret talent?
    2. What was the last book you read?
    3. Where would you like to be in 30 years?
    4. In one sentence or less, how would you describe yourself?
    5. If you had 3 wishes what would they be?
    6. What was your favorite story as a child?
    7. What do you think U.F.O.s really are?
    8. When was the last time you danced to music when no one was watching?
    9. Who was your childhood hero/idol?
    10. What topic should I blog about next?

    Nominate 10 other bloggers for this award who have less than 200 followers.
    Create 10 questions for your nominees to answer.

    Let the nominees know that they have been nominated by going to their blog and notifying them.

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