I’ve tried writing this three or four times and just not been able to put thoughts to paper, or screen as it were.
I keep having reminders of my own mortality and I do not like it at all. In the last two weeks I have had knowledge of three different people with returning cancers. Three is a big number in my little circle. It makes me start wanting to check my own mortality rates. I few months ago I found out that my radiation oncologists re-classified my cancer as Endometrial Cancer. My gyno-oncologist classifies it as cervical cancer because that was the first diagnosis. I am trying very hard to keep myself from going to see the statistics on stage 3 endometrial cancer vs stage 3 cervical. I really don’t need to know if it’s worse odds. I mean everything about me and my health has been abnormal and broken any statistical curves so they don’t really matter, but still…
I had some weird moments last week that just put me right back mentally to where I was during treatment. One was the sudden recollection of a conversation with someone in admitting while I was filling out paperwork for my surgery. She was trying to be helpful and encouraging. When she found out who my doctor was she said that the first time she had cancer she had the same as me (this was before we knew the full extent of mine) and she had the same Doctor and he was wonderful. And he ended up treating her the next THREE times that her cancer came back and she had to have surgery all three times and chemo. She looked about 20 years older than me and I was suddenly thinking, OMG! What if she is younger than me! And shouldn’t the qualification of my doctor as a good doctor mean that he got it all the first time and it never came back? UHG!
So that’s my dark side.
On the happy side I have my new glasses on order. I can only hope I look as cool as the lovely Tami when I get my rosy lenses. I really had to do a lot of acrobatics to get my lenses made with the correct FL-41 tint. Unfortunately the one color that everyone agrees makes me look like I’m coming down with some sort of flu is PINK! Ah well. My doctor is also changing my reading prescription. I guess that’s how you know when you’re getting older. My distance script is staying the same but those little tiny words are getting harder and harder to read.
Today is my first sweater day of the season. BOOOOOOOO
So of course we started planning our winter vacation to a warm spot..YaaaaaY!
There you go! The aformentioned lovely Tami!