Me and Yoga, or is it Yoga and I?
After a number of years, three? Four? I stopped doing yoga a couple of months ago. I was becoming very angry and frustrated every time I went to a session because I can no longer do some of the very basic poses. Was it the kidney disease? No.Thyroid disease? No. Cancer? No. Dizzying disease with multiple names? No. Nor was it the bursitis in my hips. Of all the stupid ass things to stop me from doing something that I loved it was the stupid freaking bone spurs! I cannot believe how much they have affected my life! So AGGRAVATING! I’ve had to stop wearing half my shoes, threw away my slippers, and stopped doing yoga. You just can’t stand barefoot with your foot firmly placed on the ground with tiny little spikes of bone on the bottom of your heal.
Having ranted all of that, I am going to go back tonight. I think I have resigned myself to starting over and learning a new way to do yoga. Of course since I stopped I have also added lymphedema to the mix and will now be wearing compression stockings, so no actual barefoot. Today I will try a foot brace over yoga socks, over compression stockings and see if I can keep my footing. I may have to learn to do a combination of Ballet & Yoga and only stand on the balls of my feet. Yollet? Ballga?
Yesterday I posted on Facebook how someone had made me mad last week and I just couldn’t seem to let it go. The comments made me laugh. There are some personality traits that I find very difficult to accept in other people. One of them being the person who constantly thinks how “unlucky” they are because they don’t have things that other people have. Well as someone who has really and truly never been given anything in my life I resent it more than I should when that is directed at me as envy with the intent of making me feel guilty. It always makes me want to lash out and defend myself, which is not something you can always do, and for that personality type it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. No matter what I said, it wouldn’t make them realize that the choices they make are what determines their circumstances. It works out better for me when I can get to the point of feeling sorry for those people. They will never truly be happy because they will always be looking for someone to give them something. They can never feel a real sense of accomplishment because they will always immediately be looking at how much more they could have if they just got “lucky” like everyone else. People like that tend to think that everything is harder for them because they can not really see other people clearly. They only see what they envy, never the work that the other people have put in to get where they are, or what they have.
I realize that this is my problem to deal with, not theirs. I always feel guilty about everything I do that benefits me, If I buy a pair of shoes, or take 90 minutes out of my day for yoga, or a workout. I am better about that but still not completely over it. Somehow if what I do does not directly benefit someone else than I am selfish and wrong. I know the roots of that particular trait and I bet my sister shares it.
Back to work!