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Posts tagged ‘uterus’

eh, why not me?

I don’t think I’ve ever been one of those people who said “why me?” when something bad happens. I think when something bad happens to me it’s not for a reason, or a grand design, it just is. Why does that piece of dog fur fly through the air and land on my sandwich? Well, because a room away someone walked past the closed door and caused a miniscule shift in the air that meandered it’s way into this room and was the perfect weight and balance to lift one of the gazillion dog hairs in my house and have it land on my food. It’s not a karmic message about my sandwich or my eating. So when they told me Friday morning that cancer cells had been found in my lymph nodes I don’t think I ever thought why me? I’m not saying I like it.  I’m not all, YAY!  Chemo! Woohoo! Radiation! but I do think a part of me thinks, “Why not me?”  

It’s not the best news, but it’s certainly not the worst. They found cancer cells in two of the nine lymph nodes they removed. One from the left, one from the right. The results are still preliminary but so far that’s all they found.  Cancer cells confirmed on the cervix and two lymph nodes. Once my body is healed from the surgery I will begin a round of radiation & chemo. I know, no one wanted to hear that, but there you go. That should last about six weeks.  So, say we start in four weeks, then six weeks of treatment.  Round it up and we’ll just say three months. Three months from now I hopefully will start a lifetime of routine maintenance. Just scans and check ups to make sure there is no re-occurrence.

So, the cancer blogging goes on.

 

The grossness that is a human drain

This morning I went in to get my staples removed and the awful drain taken out. I really really hated that drain. It was gross and irritating and painful. I was quite nervous about having the staples removed, and really nervous about having the drain removed.  

The drain looks like a clear plastic hand grenade attached by a long clear tube to your abdomen, it’s held in place by a black stitch that is at the small opening into you.  The tube extends for a bit into you. It’s gross.  The nurse said my tube inside was quite long, which is why it was also so freaking annoying. Every time I moved it was rubbing on things on the inside. Very glad it’s gone. I now have stitches on my incision with little pieces of tape that will fall off in the next week or so and over my drain hole I have a plastic bag that kinda looks a disposable IV bag right down to the tap at the bottom.  It’s just in case I spring a leak and my drain hole becomes a blow hole. I can peel it off after 24 hours. Thank goodness! Now I have to try very very hard to stay calm and unmoving for awhile longer to make sure everything heals up.  My husband is terrified the incision will somehow burst open and all of my insides will come spilling out like an unzipped bean bag chair filled with those little static filled Styrofoam pellets.

 

Enjoy all of those images. 🙂

Nothing much

Appetite. it’s been very odd for me to lose my appetite. I mean, I’ve certainly gone periods of time where I skipped meals or ate light but in the last few years I’ve really developed an appreciation for food flavors. I love all of the different things I can make that have subtle wonderful flavors. Since the surgery nothing really sounds good. I have to force myself to eat food. Todays lunch tasted good though. I grabbed a piece of Trader Joes Sour Dough bread from the freezer and toasted it, spread a little smart balance on it, then I shook up a carton of egg beaters and dropped it in my microwave egg sandwich maker (Thanks Erin!) and put that on top of my toast.  Added a bunch of salt and fresh black pepper with some TJ’s Shredded cheddar, then a little Pace Picante. I ate it as an open face sandwich. Very good.

My husband is getting so good at the blood thinner shots. This morning I didn’t even feel it. Not even a tiny poke. I am in awe that he is able to do them. I could not do it. I just couldn’t.

My biopsy results were not in yesterday. I have to call again on Thursday.

 

Nap Time.

Stuff

Yesterday was Pre-op registration and testing day. Woo.

I see why they do it a week before, it’s entirely possible that it could take that long! I had a chest x-ray, and more blood work. Spent a long time going over medical history and then, much like a five star hotel, they sent me home with soap. Apparently before you go into the hospital you are expected to sanitize yourself. 🙂 You are also expected to show up with no jewelry, no nail or toe polish, no lotions, and no make-up!  I haven’t left the house with no make-up since I was 15. They also told me all of the things I must stop, like taking ibuprofen.  That did not amuse me. I have now switched to acetaminophen, which does not work as well.  We had to be at the hospital at 7:15 am, and then after all of that I had an appointment at the oncologist. Again with the talking.:) Just more details about what specifically will happen and what to expect.  I guess it’s a lot better than just showing up.  Right? I don’t have to be at the hospital until 9:45am on the 19th, and surgery is scheduled for 11:15 am.  There is a two hour block set aside for it. I will be in the hospital for a night or two and plan to sleep the whole time. I will take my iPod so if I have coherent moments I can catch up on my words & hanging with friends games. (tlm0000, that’s me).

One of my office mates, Brad, is on vacation today until the 22nd so he left me surgery presents.  A big soft round donut pillow to sit on and a box of ridiculous chocolates. I am usually the share your chocolates kind of person, but I don’t think I’ll be sharing these.

It was nice to come in to. Thanks Brad.

 

My husband feels neglected because I never talk about how wonderful he treats me.  I promised him a blog devoted only to him, but not today.

Men VS Women – Life or Death?

How many days in a row do you think I can say the words uterus or cancer in a blog before people start running? I am at home today. I kept waking up during the night because I was so crampy. Both Advil & Tylenol are playing a major role in my day to day life recently. They both serve different purposes in the same region.  I feel pretty good once I can get dosed up enough. I even went out to lunch with my wonderful daughter.  She got a hair cut and she looks fantastic! She was dressed all cute and wearing jewelry even today. Okay, maybe not the Best picture! 🙂

 

Yesterday I tried hearing aids out. It was amazing! I walked around eavesdropping on people and listening to the tv’s in the electronics area. So cool. The guy was sad when I picked the cheaper of the two that worked well for me. The more expensive of the two didn’t have volume controls on the ear piece. You had to use a remote. I would lose that so fast. So beware all of you mumblers soon I will know what you’re saying!

I have been noticing something about the way men and women have been reacting when I tell them I have been diagnosed with cancer. I’m sure it’s not an across the board men / women thing but in my little circle of people there is a definite difference. Men immediately start wishing me well on my prolonged pain & suffering and eventual death (said in their best eeyore voice). Women give me a figurative hand flip and exclaim, “eh, you’ll be fine” as if I have just told them I got a bad haircut and they are reassuring me that even though I look like a five year old boy now, in a few weeks it’ll be grown out and I’ll be back to my adequate self. I think there is an interesting message here in about how women are expected to respond.

I will not be at work tomorrow either. I have a pre-op testing and registration appointment at 7:15 in the freaking AM at the hospital then after that a doctors appointment. I’m pretty sure that will take up my entire morning. I’m equally sure I will look like hell and be sleepy afterwards.  

 

 

Shoulda taken the day off today

Well today should be the day.  This is the latest day that the biopsy results should be returned. I assume my oncologist also has the CAT scan results. I will call after lunch if I can manage to dial the phone.

To say I am apprehensive would be an understatement. When this whole weird odyssey that shall be known as the cancer diagnoses began I assumed mine was very progressed. I’m normally a realist so this wasn’t out of some sort of sense of doom it was simply based on the symptoms I was experiencing.  As I’ve learned more and discovered that it’s quite possible that I have two different things going on my realist self began to believe that this may not be advanced. Then I hear everyones wonderful stories about people who have survived just fine and that ray of hope gets a little brighter.  Then the Doctor gives me is pre-prognosis (Thanks Ilona) and I am very hopeful. Now, I am worried about being hopeful!  When I wasn’t hopeful I was prepared for the worst. Now, not so much. (Edit at Bottom)

When I was shopping at Costco there were a few things that were pricier and long term that I wanted but I thought to myself, well I better wait until I get the result of the biopsy. 

I’m feeling a little gloomy and doomy today just because I didn’t sleep well and I’m feeling off. I feel like I’ve been fighting with people all week (oops, it’s only Tuesday!) and I’m too distracted and tired for it. I am not at my fighting best right now. I had an idea for writing up “How Lord Voldemort is like Cancer” but I ran out of ambition. However in preparation I did learn that Voldemort is in my spell check.

 

I was going to show you how my fingernails were the same color as my phone. There is one large flaw in that plan, I use my cell phone as my camera. So here you go:

Now picture my phone as the same color. Obnoxious, isn’t it? Are you amazed my how old my hands look?  They’ve always looked like that even when I was a teenager.

 

The other big thing today is my hearing aid fitting!  I know it might seem a little odd to be excited about but oh boy am I looking forward to understanding what people are saying! I hope I don’t turn out to be one of those people who can’t adjust to wearing a hearing aid. 

 

 Edit, or Addition, or P.S.:

So I called the Doctors office.  Apparently they thought I needed some extra adrenaline because after 10 minutes on hold and getting picked up then back on hold and such she comes on the phone and says, Well, I’m sorry but we did get the results of the biopsy.  Yes she started with those words, and as my heart stopped in my chest, she continued with, and you do have cervical cancer. To which of course I replied, I knew that already!  Geesh. So, I don’t really have any good or bad news.  No, that’s not true, I have good news, the CAT scan did not show anything in my lungs or abdomen.  The biopsies of my uterus and other innard reproductive organs were inconclusive.  There was some suspicion that something is going on in my uterus, but they could not say what.  We also already knew this. (GP thinks it’s probably Endometrial hyperplasia)  So, we’re mostly back to where we were but with a little more positiveness.  Either way, everything is coming out on the 19th! Everything will get biopsied and we’ll go from there. 

 

 

Thursday Stuff

Thursday was CAT scan day. It’s not the cat scan that bothers me, it’s the after effects of the barium. Yuck. My CAT scan was with dye. If you’ve never had that before it’s interesting. You drink a big old bottle of sickly sweet, vaguely fruity, smelling stuff and you can’t eat the four hours before. You go in and do all of your paper work and then put an IV tube in your arm.

You lay down on a big cot that has a big ring around the middle of it.  Like a mini StarGate. Then they arrange you how they want you and leave the room. The machine clicks on and they cot starts sliding back and forth. That’s when I close my eyes. A voice tells you to take a breath…and hold it…for six seconds. Then breath normally.  After they finish the first round of sliding back and forth and holding your breath the machine releases the dye into your IV and you start over. It’s actually a dye that travels through your veins so the machine can see it. You will feel the dye move around in your body because you will get warm everywhere it touches on the inside. Fascinating!

So my only problem is the now matching bruises I have on the inside of my elbows and all of the barium working it’s way through my system. It wants out. 😦  Lots of Water!

 

I got home to a big giant box on Thursday!

It was filled with 60 single serving size bags of Utz Chips & Snacks. We discovered you can order them online, so we did. I probably should not have immediately eaten two bags. (nacho & salt & vinegar) but I was hungry! It was really fun to pick and choose flavors.

 

I am currently obsessed with NailPolish. I use to have really long pretty nails and owned a gazillion bottles of nail polish.  After I had kids my nails got really weak and tear as soon as they get even a little long. 

A few months ago I started oiling them a few times a day with a bottle of Vitamin E oil that I picked up at Trader joes.  They are so long and stong now!  I love to paint my nails. If I could I would paint them a different color every day.

I love these two colors.

I found a very dirty sock in our hallway at work.  How odd.

 

 

This morning things in my office were askew. Someone knocked my container of Air plants off and then replaced it. The stuff in the conference room is moved around, and then I found this.

One red push pin in the ceiling. I have not found an explanation for this yet.

 

Surgery is scheduled for August 19th.  Just not sure yet how much is coming out. The biopsy results have not been sent to the Doctor yet.  We will now be waiting until Tuesday.

 

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